Frozen Hearts
by unlikelyhappiness
Summary: I have found most people dislike Mimi Force. This is a story that gives her a chance at some sympathy; I find it only fair to give her some emotions and show her in a different light this does not mean I like the character -not completely accurate.


_Dear Jack,_

_From the instant I first saw you I've loved you with all my heart. I have cherished the moment every instant of my existence. Then you first asked me to bond to you and my happiness cannot be described in words; I only hope you experience something that may resemble it in your life. I love you; that's all I can say. You are the only one that has ever known me fully and accepted me. You have made being damned to life on Earth eternally better than Heaven for me and I must thank you for that._

_For centuries you have proclaimed your love to me and have made me immensely happy but I have finally understood that you are not mine. And, I have come to wonder, if you ever were? You are the only thing I have ever had to fight for; not even my life has shown to be as precious to me as yours. I have fought for your love endlessly and yet again, with every cycle and have had little success; I'm tired Abbaddon. I have no fight left in me. Every woman you desire proves harder to beat than the previous one and, to be honest, I have begun to wonder if God wishes me to surrender by this. Whether he wants me to or not does not matter anymore. I have surrendered._

_I'm sorry for the many times I have hurt you, I'm sorry for not living up to your expectations, I'm sorry you could not love me, and I'm sorry I could never be like the light you crave so much. I am Death. I fear I will never be more. I fear that I will never make you happy so I have decided to let you go. I beg you, my love, not to pity me for you have given me many happiness's throughout every cycle we have shared and have shown me the beauty of mortal life._

_This will be the last cycle we share, my love. I fear you have found your happiness elsewhere and I will not ruin that for you; I love you too much to destroy you. Fear my wrath not for I have let it be known to the Conclave that the bond we shared once no longer can hold us together. You will not be punished so go in peace and find your happiness at last._

_Yours Dearly and Always,_

_Azrael_

The delicate paper was crumpled in jack's hands in an instant and his hands pressed against his eyes as he became to sob. He leaned his head against the wall letting it hit hard enough to create a crack in it. He did not care. He realized he had hurt Mimi; he had never before though of what he was doing to her. All those women he had been with, all those time he had abandoned Azrael and then came back; she had taken him back with no hesitation, as if nothing had occurred, as if he had done nothing wrong. She never once went to the Conclave, he had never been punished and the finally knew why. It wasn't because they believed it to be harmless or because he was too valuable for them to loss: his multiple absolutions were caused by her- she had saved him every one of those times he had betrayed her. She loved him. Truly loved him; despite all that he had done to her, she loved him. How could he have not noticed this? How could he have dismissed the pain in her eyes every time he proclaimed his love to another woman? How long had she been hiding her pain with that indifferent dismissal and disregard for everything? This was his entire fault. He had destroyed Azrael; slowly he had treed at her heart until what was left was so damaged she would not trust anyone near her.

His head became to hurt so badly it made it hard to think. When had this happened? Was it always like this? Jack tried to think back as far back into his past lives as he could but could not find a time when he had not hurt Azrael. Had he always betrayed her? Could he not be faithful and fair even on one cycle?

Realization hit Jack so hard he took his hands off his face and stared blankly at the wall across his room. He spoke out loud, "that's why he gave me to her…" he whispered as he became to remember the day Lucifer introduced them. Lucifer had seemed so sure that they should be together- the angels of Death and Destruction would be unstoppable. That day he had though that Lucifer was rewarding him for his loyalty and Azrael for her strength, but now he realized that Lucifer had a darker reason for giving Abbaddon to Azrael; he knew Lucifer too well for he had been at his side for a long time. He had seen the strength of Azrael and the flashes of fear in Lucifer's eyes. Lucifer feared her. How could he have not noticed that before? Azrael's beauty had only added to the jealousy Lucifer had shown towards her.

Lucifer had not rewarded Azrael… he had condemned her. He had known she would love Abbaddon and, as sure as he had been of Azrael's nature, he had been sure that Abbaddon would weaken her. Tears began to roll down Jack's cheeks and his realization began to sink in.

"I destroyed her"-he whispered to himself-"I destroyed her; her, the only person strong enough to be feared by Lucifer" Jack closed his fist tighter around the note Mimi had left him as he said Lucifer's name. Fury filled his eyes and the tears subsided. He knew he wouldn't find her; he had spent enough time with her over the centuries to be sure that if Azrael didn't want to be found she wouldn't be. Still, he got up and _velox_ to her room- which he found empty.

Every sign of her ever being there had vanished. The walls had been painted white again and the bed had been made with sheets that were as generic as they are in hospital rooms. Her closet was empty and so was the vanity mirror that was once filled with photos of him and Mimi, her friends, Charles and Trinity, and her dog. Jack paced around the room hoping he would find anything that Mimi might have forgotten but she had left nothing behind. How long had she been gone? He wondered while guilt filled the space his anger had left.

Still with Mimi's note in his fist, Jack walked to Charles' office in the apartment. If Mimi was gone, Michael would probably know something about it.

"Jack, I take it you have found out about Azrael's departure," stated Charles with only a glance off the papers in his hands.

"Where is she, Michael?" Abbaddon demanded throw clenching teeth.

"I'm afraid I cannot say, son. I do believe Azrael does not wish you to-"

"I know she does not wish me to find her, Michael!"-Abbaddon yelled-"have you forgotten that she has been mine for nearly two millennia?!"

Charles arched a golden eyebrow at his outraged son and began speaking again slowly, "Abbaddon, he wishes you to leave her," he paused to let the angel adsorb the information, "Azrael has suffered much Abbaddon. It's time to let her go!"

"NO!!"Jack found himself screaming back at the Archangel that was his father in this cycle. "I will not loss her like you lost Gabrielle!" he saw the flash of pain that passed through Michael's eyes as he said that.

With a very firm voice that reminded Jack of Michael's power he said, "You already have." While Jack stood there astonished, Michael got up and walked passed Jack- only to touch his shoulder for an instant- and walked out of the office, leaving Abbaddon alone.

Michael was right. He had been so blinded by his own desires for so long, that he had paid little attention to Azrael. He had not lost her to another man, like Charles had Gabrielle, but he had lost her to solitude. She preferred spending the rest of her cycle in solitude, awaiting the end of this one and the beginning of the next-where he will not exist. He was her tormentor; he had been for who knows how long. And, after centuries of such torture, she still loved him. She had spared his life time after time despite everything and had done so yet again. Azrael would not be found now that she desired not to be found and, therefore, he had lost her. _She does not wish to fight for me anymore_. The pain that though caused on Abbaddon's chest felt as if a thousand pounds were suddenly pressed against his body, making it difficult to breath. His hands flew to hold his heart in place as he tried to grow accustomed to the pain. He realized he was still holding the note she had left him so he forced himself to relax his fist and place the crumpled piece of paper in the front pocket of his jeans.

Abbaddon closed his eyes tightly and tried to reach Mimi's mind but found the connection gone. _How can it be? What's go- is that possible? Can she do this? Is she that powerful?_ Jack's eyes flew open as all the questions flooded his mind. His fist tightened again at his sides and he ran out the room in search of Charles.

He found him in the common room, with a large volume in his hands. "Can she do that?" Charles looked up astonished but as his mind processed what Jack had said, his face became confused.

"Do what exactly?" He asked as he came to realize his son would not explain without his inquisition.

"Break our connection. Not just block me out of her mind but, actually, break it" Charles looked surprised and still a little confused. "It's like… like she's not there. Like… like she doesn't exist," at that Jack though again and corrected, "I know she's alive; I would know if she wasn't. I would feel it, because of how long we've been together. But this… this is different. Like she cut the channel that connected our minds… not just blocked it but… got rid of it completely…"

"Azrael's very powerful, son. She's lived for a very long time, even for an angel. She can do things Gabrielle, you, me, and even Lucifer himself, can't fathom." Charles moved over on the huge white couch to make room for his son to sit. After he did he continued, "Azrael has always been very special. Death itself is very special and necessary so the Creator gifted her greatly. He hoped that, by placing her near Lucifer, the Underworld would have balance and nobody would have too much power." Michael looked at Abbaddon and found his face filled with immense sorrow. He feared his son would be weakened by this as Azrael had been and that neither of them might recover. "Lucifer was persistent, however, and found a way to obtain power none the less. I have lived for long Abbaddon and have endured the pain of a broken bond"-at that Jack's eyes filled with tears, his eyes glowed a green that Charles had never before seen, and his mouth twisted as his chest experienced more pain than before- "you must understand that, if you care for me, you must respect her wish. I love Allegra but seen her- having her so near and not being able to call her mine- is much harder than her not loving me as I love her." Michael placed his hand on Jack's shoulder to stop him as he opened his mouth to argue. "Azrael has decided to make this easier for both of you. She has freed you both; even if you do not see it as such now. She's wise and intelligent, but most of all, she's fair, Abbaddon. Try to return a little of her fairness by respecting her wish and not searching for her. Move on and let her do the same."

Jack stood up so fast Michael's hand was still in the empty spot that used to hold his body. He sprinted out of the apartment so fast he was not even a blur. As he ran, his mind raced to figure out what to do. He would run to every city and search every corner of the Earth if only he was sure that was the right thing to do. _How can I not know when she would go?_ Wasn't he supposed to know that? After being with her for so long, it should be easy to tell where she would go-so why couldn't he? Why could he not think of a single place where Azrael would find peace? Had he always been selfish? He had called her self-centered and conceited. He had criticized her for having complete disregard for others when he himself had never regarded her in the minimum. They had been together for so long and he knew little about her. _God! How could I have been so stupid?! _Though Jack, as he reached the lake at Central Park.

There were no people at sight and, for the first time through this entire thing, Jack realized it was night. He went to sit on the grass near the lake and then decided to lean back and look at the starry sky. He thought of how many times, throughout their life together, he had looked up at the stars with Azrael.

"_**See the small one just under the moon?"-she asked pointing at the faint light that shinned under the incredible brightness of the moon. He looked at her face and saw the smile that played on the corner of her lips, but she did not glance in his direction, so he followed her pointing arm and found the poor attempt of a star that she was talking about-"that's my favorite star."**_

_**He gave her a skeptical look and when she caught it, she unleashed a soft laugh that made his cheeks redden and his gaze went back to the sky. She unleashed a small sight that had the faint remains of her laugh on it and explained, "It is not the brightest, or the biggest, but it's there. It's the closest to the moon and it's out shinned and over looked, but it's beautiful none the least," she paused for a second and looked in his direction and caught him staring at her. She grinned and he didn't look away this time and asked, in a whisper, "Don't you think it's beautiful?"**_

_**He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was so radiant. So perfect. He barely knew her but wanted to be with her forever. Her face was light up by the moon light, with made her skin glow in a godlike way. He met her eyes and saw that they were filled with kindness and also a sort of power he was sure he would never understand. At last, he answered her question, "You're right. It is beautiful." He was going to add more, mostly about her own beauty-which, more than certainly, outshined the moon itself- but her eyes wideness and her grin turned into a full smile of content. He was bewildered by how that smile made his heart rate speed up and he had to concentrate to breath.**_

_**In the next instant her smile disappeared and her eyes filled with affection. Her next words were a whisper so soft, he thought he might have imagined them for she had placed her delicate hand upon his cheek before speaking, "How can I love you do much already?"**_

_**His body moved instinctively after that. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her like she was a feather. At that she laughed again, think time longer and louder, and he spun her around in his arms as she continued to laugh. When he stopped, he put her back on her feet but didn't let go. Instead he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.**_

Jacks' eyes flew open once more and he realized he had had a flashback on one of their earlier lives. They had been so happy. He had been happy. He knew no one else will ever make him feel like Azrael did; that knowledge from the first time he saw her that she was the one he wanted to spend eternity with. He had lost that.

Jack closed his eyes once more and tried to find another memory that revealed things about Azrael but he found that very few existed, and with the centuries the facts about her became less shared with him. He spent centuries with her caring little about what she liked and enjoyed. As the cycles passed through his memory, he saw how her eyes began to change- their kindness turned into pain and then an indifference that, was apparent, hid the pain she was suffering. Abbaddon looked at the sky once more and found her star. He found that was the only thing he would hold on to now.

Jack got up and began walking back home, at a human speed. _I have caused her too much pain already. I will leave her and do everything in my power to hurt Azrael no more. I will tell Michael and the Committee that I'll still fight Lucifer and-_Jack's train of thought reached a crucial point that caused him to panic._ She's alone. What if the Silver Bloods- or worst, Lucifer- find her? She can't defend herself against a group of them, not alone. _At that thought, Jack _velox_ to the apartment once more.

"She's alone!" he proclaimed as he walked throw the door. He found Charles still in the common room with the same book he had earlier.

"Indeed she is," Charles said, without looking up from his book.

Irritated at his lack of concern and, possible, comprehension, Jack continued, "what if the Silver Bloods go after her? She can't fight them by herself, Michael!" Jack began pacing in from of the couch while Michael finished reading his paragraph to answer him.

"You underestimate her, Abbaddon. Do not forget she is the Angel of Death," Michael replied in a calmed tone.

Jack, still panicking, asked firmly, "Where has she gone?"-Michael began to protest but the next instant Abbaddon's sword was pressed to his neck- "I know she told you where she will go Michael; she's too smart not to tell someone, especially you," Abbaddon pressed the metal a little closer to Michael's throat and saw fear flash his eyes, "Michael, I just want to protect her," he argued reasonable and relaxed a little the sword on the Archangel's throat.

"No, Abbaddon. You wish to finish destroying her like you always have," Michael replied in a voice that evoke authority and that showed that his mind was made.

Abbaddon lowered the sword and pulled it away from Michael. He sat on the loveseat that had been behind him the entire time and placed the sword on his lap. His eyes filled with tear and as he spoke they began to fall onto his cheeks and then onto the sword, "I do not wish to destroy her- I have not meant to hurt her. Never have I ambitioned any of this. I- I love her, Michael."

"Abbaddon, I question whether you know how to love," Charles looked at Abbaddon's face and saw the new pain he had caused but he knew Abbaddon needed to hear this, "You have little regard for her! She has let you know what she wishes and your only concern has been finding her. For what? What will you do if you find her Abbaddon? What about Allegra's daughter? Have you forgotten you claim to love her as well? Tell me Abbaddon. What would you do with the knowledge of where Azrael is?"

Jack was stunned. He had not thought about Schuyler at all but he knew he had to fix his problems with Mimi first. That was another problem: exactly how was he going to fix this? And how? Was he really being selfish again by wanting to find her? Would he hurt her more? Did he really love her? Did he love Schuyler? God! This was confusing him. He looked at his father's face and realized he was waiting for an answer so, without glancing away from Charles, Jack said, "I don't know," with defiance in the whisper that escaped his lips. "I just have to know where she is, Charles. Please," Jack begged him.

Charles sighted then and shook his head slightly before speaking, "If you truly loved her you would not have to ask me where she is," was all that Charles said. They sat in silence for a long time but finally Jack got up and went to his room.

Ο


End file.
